Now that I have a following, I am a bit afraid to open myself up to this topic: Mental Illness. I feel I must today because it is laying on my heart heavily and I feel I need to be transparent to my readers so they can see my person-hood, my vulnerability.
I suffer from mental illness. I have bipolar disorder (schizo-affective disorder to be specific). I also suffer from daily panic attacks. I take prescribed medication. There, I said it. Hopefully my vulnerability didn't scare you off. I often struggle with wanting to please people and keep this hidden (a sin I am very well aware of-wanting to please man).
The question that always makes me wonder, though, is what does my Father in heaven think of my mental illness and what does his word say about it? Often, my illness leads me into sin. This is not to say that I am using it as an excuse, but more a reason and I try very hard to be self aware and correcting in my behavior. This not only helps me grow as a person, but as a Christian.
The Bible says, in 2 Timothy 1:7, "For I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of one of love and sound mind."
I often repeat this to myself on my tough days because I often do not view myself as having a sound mind. I wonder, sometimes, why does God say I have a "sound mind", when medically speaking, I do not? I have yet to answer that question or find the answer to that question, completely, but I know when I reach out to him, he gives me the sound mind I am looking for in the moment.
I wonder, and honestly sometimes even feel anger at God. Why does he choose not to heal me from it? I know God has a plan for me. I know he does; this is written deep in my soul. I just have to cling to the knowledge of this and know that HE IS and He knows what he is doing.
The good thing is, God knows my heart. He knows my struggles and He is always there to comfort me. His word says so.
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.
I have been suffering from a bout of depression as of late. I have called out to God and the Son and I have felt their presence. I will continue to do so.